Everyone has seen the blue-suited, stone-faced politician standing at the microphone, apologizing profusely for a litany of indiscretions. The besmirched wife, with red-rimmed eyes and tightly pursed lips, stands quietly at his side. Is it only because so much is at stake for the philandering bureaucrat that he is willing to offer an apology before the whole world? Is the perceived value of what is at stake the sole reason why someone would apologize? Yet, in other situations and in far less open forums, some wrongdoers choose the route of no apology.
Why is it So Difficult to Apologize?
What is it about “I’m sorry” that makes it so difficult to say? From the time you are first made to apologize to another boy or girl on the playground, saying “I’m sorry” are two of the most difficult words to utter. Why is that? Is it because apologizing means having to admit that you are wrong? No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes, so saying “I’m sorry” should not be held back for this reason were it not that pride is one powerful force.
In Webster’s New World Dictionary, the second entry for pride is “dignity and self-respect.” Isn’t taking responsibility for your mistake by apologizing a way to maintain your dignity and self-respect? Do you not have more respect for someone whom exhibits the honorable quality of admitting when they are wrong?
The first entry for pride is “an unduly high opinion of oneself.” A very fine line exists between these two definitions of pride, and riding the fence in between may be the ability to sincerely apologize.
Is Apologizing a Sign of Weakness or Show of Strength?
Accomplishing a difficult task builds strength and character. If this is so, then shouldn’t saying “I’m sorry” be considered likewise? Apologizing is, at the same time, considered both character building and a sign of weakness. How can that be? How can being defiant and not apologizing be thought of as the strong stance? Is it dependent upon the evidence of guilt that forces the opinion to one side or the other? Being defiant in the presence of clear evidence of guilt is surely asking for comeuppance.
The root of the difficulty in apologizing may lie in the fact that saying those two words, “I’m sorry,” are an opening up and bearing of your soul. These two words seemingly make you even more vulnerable than saying “I love you.” The fear that the apology will be rejected may be what keeps some people from making amends.
“I’m Sorry” Says a Lot
On the Mental-Health blog at Families.com, Beth McHugh says that one of the common mistakes that people often make when it comes to making an apology is that they believe that if they admit to making a mistake, it somehow makes them less of a person.
“The ability to apologize says many things about a person. One is that they can freely acknowledge and take responsibility for their actions. Two, they can understand and appreciate the hurt they caused another. Three, they are genuinely remorseful for their actions,” says McHugh.
A Lesson for All
In the case of Judith Griggs, editor of Cooks Source, which you can read about in “Cooks Source Gets Pounded Online for Copyright Violation” by Cyndi Allison, there is no way to turn back the clock. Maybe she was having a bad day already. Maybe her dog died. Maybe she just needed to chew out a perceived underling. Or, maybe she really does think she does no wrong – in this case or ever! Unfortunately for her, the lack of an apology coupled with the inanely arrogant response sent the Internet into overdrive in search of some form of justice for the wronged writer.
Let this be a lesson to all. An apology, though difficult, may keep your transgression known to only a few instead of the whole populace.
Amanda Kay - Amanda is a married, mother of two girls and lives in rural North Central Florida. Although her writing career formally began while ...
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